It was always going to be tough finding work.
I chose an unconventional career path by studying a Bachelor of Music at uni.
To be able to study my obsession full-time for 3 years was a dream come true.
I took ridiculously fun subjects such as Noosphere and Mouth Orchestra. I revelled in the climate of my special interest and like-minded souls.
But once I graduated I didn’t know how to become a full-time musician.
I didn’t want to be a performer. Perhaps I would become a film composer or sound designer for games.
But you can’t find a job for those things in the paper.
So I languished on the dole in the throes of burnout. I listlessly circled job listings I thought I could do in a pinch. Hours were spent on the couch watching music videos.
Whenever my parents asked me about work, I’d burst into tears.
I slept a lot.
Eventually, I returned to my old uni supervisor, explained my situation and begged him for a job. He gave me a position as a research assistant.
And then I started the job hopping. Part-time jobs here and there. Working three jobs at a time. Doing odds and ends.
It was during this time I was introduced to binaural beats by a psychologist and started working with a friend to create our own healing music with them.
But sadly the business never really got off the ground.
I still had a part-time job working as an Arts Administrator for a social enterprise. Which I adored. But after funding cuts, I lost my job.
Sick of being a starving artist, I decided to quit music and go full corporate.
Corporate Days
I became an administrator for a government-owned energy company. The work was doable, I liked my co-workers and I loved the pay.
Over the next few years, I had a “meteoric rise” through the corporation (according to my boss). I was promoted over and over until I became a project manager earning a salary that felt wild to my former penniless self.
I wrote no music. And I drank a lot.
I had also become obsessed with exercise.
After sitting all day at a desk, I would rush home to do a workout. Researching new routines and following fitness influencers became a hobby. Sometimes it was all I could think about.
One day it hit me, I had always had a weird relationship with food and exercise. I hated my body and I would often binge even though I was supposed to be on a “diet”. What point was exercising this much if I kept eating the “bad stuff”?!
This realisation led me to a beautiful counsellor who agreed I struggled with binge eating (another ADHD red flag). She helped me learn to love myself and treat my body much more kindly.
By this stage, I had been working corporate for 3 years. The job was perfectly fine. A job you could honestly do for life. And some of my coworkers had!
But a yearning tugged at me. The job didn’t feel fulfilling and I wanted to do something that meant something. I wanted to help people. Like the people who had helped me.
So in another complete 180, I quit to become a Personal Trainer.
Personal Training Days
I wanted to help people with their physical and mental health. To combine all the exercise techniques and the mindset transformation I had learned.
At first, it was perfect. I got a job right away. And even though it was a huge pay cut I figured it wouldn’t be long until I had more clients and could eventually build my salary back up.
Instead, I got trapped in a toxic shallow culture of hustle and aesthetics.
My calls to love your body felt like they fell on deaf ears. Most people thought it was a nice idea, but punishing workouts and “never getting fat again” was the motivation many stuck with.
Finding clients became increasingly difficult. Money was tight. The pressure to do everything perfectly was ruining my mental health.
I began to dread the 4:30 am alarms that saw me dragging my weary body with bloodshot eyes into the gym to start the day. Never had been a morning person. What was I thinking?!
I wanted out.
Blogging Days
Imagine working from anywhere in the world while you made a difference. This was the promise of being an online entrepreneur.
What a dream?!
I could create a business that was geographically liberated. Where I could finally do the meaningful work of connecting with people who wanted to heal their minds and bodies. All from the comfort of my own home.
So I created The Attitude Revolution - Change Your Mind About Your Body.
And I became obsessed with blogging.
My niche of physical and mental health gave me endless topics to discuss. I wrote about nutrition, exercise, meditation, self-love, and personal development. I had a spreadsheet with hundreds of lines filled with ideas for content. Words poured out of me.
And this was 2013. So finding community was a breeze.
There was an explosion of Australian bloggers in the wellness/spirituality bubble. It was so easy to connect with them.
We interviewed each other… became each other’s clients and affiliates… attended events together…
I started online coaching to help people one-on-one.
Meanwhile, I hadn’t written any music for a decade. I had locked that part of me away.
To know something that had been a part of me my whole life was now gone? Felt itchy and small. An ill-fitting wollen jumper from my childhood. Nostalgic but distant.
But what if….
An idea was percolating. What if I could create personalised meditation music for my coaching clients?
On a whim, I created some meditation music for a few coaching clients and it was like coming home to a long-lost friend.
Out-of-the-ashes Days
And then my life exploded. My relationship of 12 years ended and I lost my house. I moved back in with my parents as I tried to mend my shattered heart.
I didn’t want to talk about diet and exercise. It all felt so shallow and pointless. My passion for music had been reignited and I wanted to fan those flames once more.
Out of the ashes I built Sonesence. She was my soul expression in online form.
I started writing music full time and the flow was unreal.
Ideas downloaded constantly. Opportunities abounded. I went to Finland (twice!), moved interstate and met so many incredible people.
Other business owners who wanted to create meditation music tracks for their clients showed up regularly. Fans of my music were the most generous, beautiful people I’d ever known.
The impact and creative business I had longed for had finally arrived.
If only 20-year-old Tahlee could see us now?! Her dream of ‘playing in a band forever’ had come true.
Everything had led to this. All the struggle and pain and uncertainty had been worth it.
The freedom and luxury to earn a living from my lifelong passion.
The novelty of producing multiple tracks for different purposes.
The flexibility to choose my own hours and let my hyperfocus take over whenever I wanted.
Uh oh….
Interior Design Days
Years had passed and that nagging feeling was back. Something new was calling me. Something different. Something out of left field.
I know. I know. Stick with me here.
Composing felt stale. So I stopped writing music for clients and got another part-time job. I was still selling albums of music to fans.
But all I could think about was starting a new business in interior design.
If you knew me back then, I likely chewed your ear off about it.
It was going to be a marketplace of sustainable homewares. Minimalist, high-quality, Nordic designs. A way to celebrate the small businesses creating stunning work.
Cue Jennifer Saunders in Ab Fab describing her shop as selling “gorgeous, tasteful, little stylish little gorgeous things darling”.
But the problem with marketplaces, is they are notoriously difficult to get off the ground. It’s a chicken and egg problem.
You need lots of vendors to attract the customers, but you also need a lot of customers to attract the vendors.
Maybe I could pivot and create something else?
The App Days
By this stage, I had met a wonderful partner and we had moved in together. He is the most supportive, brilliant, generous and thoughtful person in the world.
He had seen the impact my music had on people. He knew I had a gift, and wanted to help me share it further.
So we teamed up and started working on a music business together.
I closed Sonesence, let go of the interior design idea and we created The Seekers’ Sanctuary.
At first, it was a web app. A website that works on your phone just like an app.
We switched to a subscription model so that fans could access all of my music for a much lower price.
But Apple is famously hostile to anything that works on an iPhone without them making money from it.
People were having all kinds of trouble using the web app as intended. So Harley re-coded the ENTIRE THING to be compatible with the App Store. It took months of his spare time.
We also realised that The Seekers’ Sanctuary was quite a mouthful and too long a name for an App Store app.
So we changed our name to Restful. And we’re still here today.
The Takeaway
Realising I had ADHD changed everything about how I viewed my career.
I always felt I had “good reasons” for switching things up or quitting or changing. But looking back the truth is? I was most likely burnt out or bored.
I’m now in my 40s and sometimes I worry that I’ve wasted a lot of my years changing jobs instead of pursuing a steady career.
Sometimes I get scared when I notice that running Restful feels like a grind. Or that I’ve lost my spark for music.
But I also know that ADHD is cyclical. Which means I’ll find inspiration again.
Being neurodivergent during late-stage capitalism is exceedingly difficult.
At the end of the day, I have traded a “sure thing” for curiosity. I have traded a steady paycheck for passion. And I have traded breadth for depth. For impact and meaning.
I am committed to staying the course with Restful. Even when things get hard or boring.
Instead of searching for dopamine by starting yet a new job? I’m managing my need for novelty in other ways. Which feels healthier and more sustainable.
Music is my lifelong special interest. And I never want to squander it again.
Made by & for neurodivergents
The Restful app is a library of meditones to help you feel calm and restful without having to do a thing. No meditation needed! Just music that works...
Having been in your orbit since attitude revolution days, I can say that from the outside, all the steps you’ve taken make sense. They don’t feel like random, unrelated things but very much a story of someone figuring it out and being brave enough to take risks..I’d rather that than a safe career any day x
I love your journey! And I can totally relate (I'm going through the neurodivergence diagnosis process). It's amazing that you were always able to bring something to the table in widely different endeavors. I feel so seen by our story, and Restful seems to be incredible